Mentalization

I've been reading about mentalization - the process of understanding how thoughts, feelings, perceptions, beliefs, desires, etc., affect our choices and our actions - not only in terms of ourselves but also in thinking about others.  It's something that's very tough for many of our severely wounded kids.  So far, mostly what I've been reading is technical research that explains how the process gets messed up with very little in terms of suggestions for how to help it develop for our kids, but maybe I'll get there eventually.

Today, I came across an interesting study that was done by Wimmer and Perner in 1983 with 3 year-olds and then 4 and 5 year-olds.  The researchers compared the children in their ability to understand that others have "beliefs" and how those beliefs may differ from their own.

Here's what they did...

They basically put an object under a cup in front of a child and in front of another adult.  Then the adult left the room.  While the same child was still watching, they moved the object to a different cup, and then asked the child which cup the adult (who didn't see the switcheroo) would predict that the object was in if they came back in the room.  Whew!  Did you get that?  Go back and read it again if you need to.  I sure did when reading the article.

Here's what they found...

Typically, 3 year-olds who saw the object move to a new cup assumed that the adult would guess it was in the new cup even though the adult missed the switch because 3 year-olds do not understand that others may have different beliefs than they do.  Kids who are 4-5 years of age, however, usually understood that the adults who had been out of the room, would still think the object was in the original place even though it had been moved.  The older kiddos could realize that "I" may believe this but "they" believe something else (erroneously).

Immediately, I was thinking of how my child struggles with understanding that anyone else could see things differently than she does.  I could not wait to invite a friend over for dinner and then set up the same experiment in my home to see if she could do it.  Instead of just moving an object from one cup to another though, I used the "Magic Gup Game."  Lined up cups - put an object under one cup, moved the cups all around, and checked to see if Little Turtle knew which cup the object was under.  Easy!

Once she showed me that she could figure out where the object was, I did it again with my adult friend watching.  Then I had the adult leave the room.  I switched the cups around some more in front of Little Turtle, and then asked my girl which cup she thought the grown-up would think the object was under when the grown-up came back in.  Easy again!  She got it every time, which was a relief frankly because I honestly wondered if her development might be so impaired that she'd think more like a 3 year-old.

Here's what else I noticed...

Little Turtle loved this game!  She was giggling and almost beside herself that she knew something that the adult didn't know.  And here's what I know about kids and humor.  When kids recently master something like this, they tend to find it hilarious.  My hunch is that she hasn't understood this for too terribly wrong.  Otherwise, it'd be old news and she'd think the activity was ridiculously stupid.  Instead, she wanted to do it again and again, much like a child playing peek-a-boo.

And then...

After we moved on, put the game away, and were chatting about other things, Little Turtle got very quiet.  I asked her what she was thinking.  She said, "I wonder if my biological mother regrets what she did to me."

WHOA!

She was wondering about her biological mother's mental state.  That is not something I've ever seen her do.  And immediately following the game about multiple perspectives?!?!

FASCINATING!

Once again, I've been reminded that developmentally my kid is delayed.  Even though her thinking is terribly criminal-like, it is because she doesn't get what other kids her age get.  Knowing this "again" helps me see past the adult-like violence to the little kid inside.  Something I used to do quite easily and so desperately need to be able to do again.

And the good news is that Little Turtle has some understanding of perspective even if it's on a very concrete level.  It's better than I thought it might be, and I'll take that any day!

Stay tuned for more learnings about mentalization...  In the mean time, feel free to try the Switcheroo Cup Game at your house.  You just might find it as enlightening as I did!